Everyday Life: Made New

Last year at this time, I was reeling.

Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally -- all reeling.

The loss of two little babies from my womb to Heaven, the loss of my physical health, the loss of my mental health as anxiety flooded my thoughts -- it all left me feeling cracked and dried out, like I'd been left out in the cold all winter long.

Luckily spring and summer and fall were long months of warmth, healing and renewal.

And though we began 2013 in the midst of cold Chicago winter, it sort of felt like a rebirth to me.

The newness of the year was refreshing in a way that spring is after a long, cold winter.

The past year had been long, but in it God has brought healing to my body and my mind and my heart.

And not only has He brought healing, but he's also brought renewal.

I am not the same person I was a year ago this past December; I am not the same person I was a year ago today.

But I didn't totally notice that until we heard our pastor speak words from Luke 5:38.

"And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the new wine would burst the wineskins, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine must be stored in new wineskins."

I am a new wineskin this year. I am no longer dried out and cracked like I was; rather I have been made new.

As I sat in this truth, I realized, too, that I couldn't rightfully compare this new pregnancy to the others -- not any of the others -- because this freshly gifted baby is like new wine in a new wineskin ready to merely be stretched instead of cracked and broken.

And so my heart's cry is to trust in the Hand that's made me new, to embrace the swelling and stretching and to trust that He will not allow me to be broken.

Thinking, That's All: A Message

My five year old asked incredulously how I hear God's voice whisper to me.

"Does He call you on the phone?" G questioned. "How do I get Him to call me on the phone?"

I shake my head and share that hearing from God isn't like G getting a phone call from one of his grandparents, but that when I hear a message from Him, it's loud and clear and it usually comes from reading the Bible and reading the exact right verse at the exact right moment in time or having an impromptu scripture-infused conversation with someone in the perfect time and space.

I kissed G goodbye later that morning, and I headed to work before venturing off to get the first of some blood tests aimed at measuring my pregnancy hormones.

****

When I arrived at work, one of my co-workers asked me excitedly if what she'd just read on Facebook meant I was pregnant right now. I smiled and said yes as she asked if I was planning on sharing the news with our senior pastor during our meeting in just a few moments ... so I shared. He prayed for us and thanked God for our new little life, and then we began our meeting after a little more conversation about Christmas and other goodness.

Every week, I have the privilege of asking Pastor Joe what's on his mind and bringing it to our church family via our blog and facebook.

Little did Pastor Joe know, as he gathered his thoughts before our meeting, that he would be speaking to my heart a message from the Lord, as I wrestled between faith and fear in the face of our testing and waiting to see if my pregnancy would progress and bring us a long-hoped for baby come end of summer.

I just have to share it with you:

Isaiah 41:9-10
"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

One day, when he's just a little bit older, I'll share this post with G.

And we'll revel in God's goodness

to talk to ordinary people just like us

without ever making the phone ring.