Everyday Life: All Day Long

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare.

All day long we are in some degree helping each other to one or other of these destinations. 

It is in light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics.

There are no ordinary people. 

You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat ... Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbour is the holiest object presented to your senses."

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

I read this gem of thought by C.S. Lewis early this morning after four days of comforting a snuggly yet extra cranky and angry toddler sick with a stomach bug ... after days of cleaning up more bodily fluids than I care to list, after doing more loads of laundry than I care to count, after being held hostage on the couch or in bed more hours than I care to remember by the poor little sick {extremely crabby} youngest of the family.

By last night, I was feeling more than just done; I was feeling burnt out -- like I didn't have an ounce of patience or compassion or snuggling left in my body. And as he screamed for me to come back to him and snuggle him on the couch, yelling angrily, I simply could not muster up a loving response. Instead I snapped at him to stop screaming at mommy ... which made him burst into tears. 

Thankfully, despite the snowstorm raging outside, John arrived home earlier than normal and relieved me of mothering, giving me a chance to regroup and recharge. 

In a super gift of grace this morning after being refreshed sleep, God gave me time to spend in His word and reflecting on what it means to love others the way Jesus loved us and why it's so important when my oldest dressed himself and went outside to play in the snow at the same time the in-recovery child put himself back to bed.

The truth, the perspective was enough to fill my cup so that I can pour back out again.

Which is a good thing.

Because the oldest just went down with the same thing.

So I remember: "All day long we are in some degree helping each other to one or other of these destinations. "

Link up at Adrienne's today. 

The Bigger Picture: How I'm Voting Tuesday

Honestly, I don't write about politics or religion for two extremely good reasons:

I still want to be friends after you're done reading

and

The political is deeply personal.

Heated, intense debates about moral issues turned government debates that many of the religious right and liberal left and everyone in between often heatedly word-spar about especially around election times?

I don't want to even want to touch on those subjects in a blog post because honestly it's a lot like discussing s*x life or something equally as personal.

And those types of deep discussions, I believe, deserve face-to-face, flesh-to-flesh interaction. 

But.

I think I've sorely overlooked a game-changing differentiation:

just like I've long differentiated religion from my relationship with God because while they are seemingly the same to some they are immensely different to me, I've long needed to separate the politics from leadership.

But this morning, in Divine revelation, it clicked. And I walked away from a message by our senior pastor about God and Government compelled to share how I'm voting Tuesday. {The rest of this post is largely inspired by his message, which you can listen to here.}

Because maybe, if you're like me, you've been so caught up in the political you've missed the essence of elections: leadership.

Honestly, though? It's easy to miss when we're totally bombarded by the issues:

Economy. Taxes. Health Care. Women's Rights. The Right to life. Social justice. The separation of church and state.

These are all issues, and I agree they are important ones that affect our daily lives. Personally, I've long clung to the separation of church and state because, really, I don't want my government telling me who I can and cannot worship. I deeply appreciate our religious liberties, and I'm thankful I live in a country where I won't be jailed or stoned for pledging my heart to Jesus.

And there's also a long list of other things I don't want my government telling me what I can and can't do with, oh, say my body or my family or my business.

But the thing is -- all of these issues become bullet points on platforms that serve to divide rather than unite, points of contention rather than discussion detracting from the real issue I'd barely given thought about during the process leading up to me visiting the polls: leadership and character.

What makes for a good leader? Really.

Ones who have inspired good and who have led by example and who have walked the walk?

Is what makes a good leader a laundry list of qualification, degrees, pedigrees, awards, distinguishings?

Because we've had a WHOLE lot of that recently, and it's seemingly left us parched and thirsty for something more.

When I think of good leaders I think of people who left the world a better place. People like Mother Theresa. People like Martin Luther King. People like Jesus.

People who weren't just giving orders from the top but those who were serving others on a day-to-day basis. Who were feeding the hungry while they, perhaps, were hungry. Who were standing alongside those being oppressed while also in oppression. And, in the ultimate act of servant leadership, Jesus, who took on the flesh of being human and washed feet knowing fully that He was the Creator of those feet, who took all fault as He bore a heavy cross though He was faultless.

Those who ruled in love, humility. Those who didn't just serve at a job but served with their lives.

God's qualifications of a good leader set the bar at a high standard not only in the example of Jesus but also in word:

"Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

"But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain." Exodus 18:21

The heart.
A fear of the Lord, who is good and righteous.
Trustworthy.
Those who hate dishonest gain. 

Leadership is built on a foundation of heart rather than towering platforms.

Now I know full well that platforms can essentially have been built on values and values stem from character but in our political system it seems that platforms are more built on party systems.

And I think that distracts us from really looking at the integrity of character of those we seek to elect to make decisions on our behalf.

Do we need to take some of the platform issues to the polls with us to help make our decisions?

Yes, but I really think the driving issues should be ones that reveal the character of those we are electing.

What do not only their platforms but their lives say about the heart? About their willingness to be a servant leader? About their fear of a good and righteous God? About trustworthiness? About their disdain for dishonest gain?

I can't help but to think that if we voted for our leaders based on heart rather than appearance -- political party, oozing presidential essence, pedigrees, race, gender, etc --

that if we elected a servant instead of a "leader" in the definition of the word we've come to embrace

there may be no need for such political platforms and heated discussion

because we'd be taking the political out of politics and redefining it as service.

So how am I voting tomorrow?

I can't sum it up by simply naming parties, citing blue or red or green, naming supporters on one side or another of a specific issue.

How I'm voting is for the heart with the heart -- by prayerfully and carefully selecting those who mostly closely resemble "capable {people} from all the people— {people} who fear God, trustworthy {people} who hate dishonest gain."

{Comment rules: You may politely disagree. You may politely state an opposing opinion. You may share encouragement or other ideas that have encouraged and directed you as you prepare to vote.
There is no room for rudeness, name calling, bashing {of me or each other in the comments} or general mean spirited remarks. Any comment that doesn't exhibit care or respect will be deleted.}

Raising Boys: All Wrong

So I've been going about parenting the fours of boyhood all wrong for the past few months now.

With G's assertion {as of his fourth birthday} of his independence and wanting to do everything by himself, his {right} way {as opposed to my oh-so-terribly wrong way}, I'd been allowing less grace when he'd ignore me so he could instead do things on his own terms and shortened my tolerance for the bad attitude that ensued after we began warring over him doing things on his own {unproductive, time-consuming} terms.

Such arguments with a preschooler, I've come to learn, are futile and normally result in a lose-lose situation:
I'm left out of sorts, even more behind schedule, lacking any kind of progress while an irritated little-big guy stomps reluctantly behind me, half-deflated, half-angry, unwilling following my weary lead.

And so I came to one conclusion: something needed to change.

But what?

After praying about it, remembering that God made boy to grow into men who lead and reading a really eye-opening post at MOB Society about how parents must embrace their boys' wildness if they want them to grow into the men God created them to be, I decided to start with adjusting my own attitude -- mostly because it was easier to change mine than it would have been to change his.

Plus, I didn't want to enforce a change on the outside; I really wanted to help him change his heart toward embracing our guidance without squashing the essence of his person.

I've been asking God to reveal to me how he created men and the boys that grow into them:

*He created them to lead with integrity and love {Ephesians 5:23}.
*To provide  {I Tim. 5:8; Eph.5:26-27; Eph.6:4}
*To be responsible. {I Cor.4:1-2}
*And to submit to His rule over their lives. {Deuteronomy 6}

But boys don't just slide into manhood, understanding how to do these duties anymore than we women learn how to be wives or mothers or journalists for that matter without training or fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants experience.

John and I take seriously our mission to guide our boys, and in that, I think we parents must embrace the very qualities our boys have been given, working with them and their personalities rather than against them.

My attitude before -- the whole train of thought that G has been doing things "on  his own {unproductive, time-consuming} terms" -- was short-sighted, to say the least.

While it may have seemed that he was going nowhere fast while trying to buckle his belt tightly around his waist his own way for the fifth time in so many minutes, he was actually accomplishing so much while experiencing natural consequences: if he buckles it too tightly, his stomach hurts; if he accepted guidance, his pants stayed on without hurting his stomach.

It was a powerful lesson -- for us both -- when I stopped arguing and demanding and instead just let him walk his own path while standing aside and offering guidance when he needed it.

If we want our boys to grow into men who take the reigns, who can flourish as the men they were created to be, we've come to realize in our house that we cannot constantly be quashing their attempts to figure out the problem or complete tasks alone or explore how life works without a guide walking along side them instead of a ruler lording over them: an up close and personal lesson in servant leadership.