Living Healthfully: Welcome to Puberty {again}

I couldn't button my size four pants.

And, in the midst of a hectic-Tuesday morning, I promptly had a mini-meltdown, tears of hot frustration running down my face, there in front of my bedroom mirror.

All of this, I'd cried, would be much easier to swallow if my body were pregnant, growing out of my jeans for the sake of growing new life and crying tears of emotional roller-coaster pregnancy hormones instead of just ones of crazy highs and lows.

But I knew better. I knew I wasn't expecting.

In my moment of meltdown, I text messaged Kerry, an integrative medicine doctor who has recently begun working with me on a genetic, biochemical level and nutritional level, and explained the situation.

To which she replied, "Welcome to puberty ... again."

I groaned.

Then I cried.

And then I laughed.

Because actually that's actually much closer to what I'm feeling these days -- like I'm a teenager in the throes of life changes rather than an expecting mother.

I guess I should back up a bit because I've been extremely quiet about my health and what's been happening the past few months.

I haven't shared lately about my health or about Kerry for a few reasons; I've been to so many doctors, all of whom have helped, yes, but none who seem to have ever completely gotten down to root of what's going on inside my body that has been causing such imbalances.

Have I been battling a gut yeast overgrowth? Yes.

Are my hormone levels really out of balance? Double yes.

Was my body detoxing? Yes to that, too.

But all summer long I've had this persistent and lingering feeling buried deep in my gut that there were other issues underlying -- mostly, I felt like something wasn't right at a deeper level. I mean, I've been having neurological problems that affect my balance and my speech and a smattering of other functions, too, and one can only detox for so long and attribute such abnormalities to the detoxing process before something has to give ... before the body has to brought back into a state of symbiosis.

I walked into Kerry's office at the end of August hope swelling in my heart; I knew her as the doctor people turn to when they've seen every specialist, the doctor who turns stage four cancer patients around.

But for as much hope as I felt, just as much confusion and skepticism ran rampant. I think I sweat through our entire 1.5 hour session.

When I left her office? I could barely fathom all of it really.

But, too, when I left her office, I felt like she could. She really seemed to understand what was happening inside my body {as best as a human mind can understand.}.

I mean, despite Kerry being really, really smart {she is a former trauma surgeon and a biochemist who focuses on genetic expression, nutrition and how the body functions at a cellular level and who has written a diagnostic program with MIT to help her read bodies at such levels, so you know, just your average everyday genius}, she has a gift for explaining complex, detailed things in a way that is sort of graspable.
Sort of.

The terms auto-immune disease, hormonal imbalance, neurological chaos and genetic mutations were all part of the conversation.

But also part of our conversation were her bold words of promise.

"Ninety days," she told us. "You should feel like a new person by then."

I left there hopeful but if I'm going to be honest one thought lingered long beyond the rest.

"Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you." Psalm 25: 20-21

Now here I am at 30 days with that same lingering hope in the Lord, but also hope that perhaps she was right -- that He had given her insights to help me really heal.

My energy returned, headaches mostly gone, digestion completely restored, food sensitivities mostly resolved, most of the neurological senses improved vastly, I really do feel different.

This second puberty stuff? It's a sign that my body is deep healing and rebalancing {though I wish I could do that while wearing size four jeans! Demin and bras are expensive!}

And I don't know -- maybe the vast emotions, the unbuttoned pants, the ever-evolving bra size really are signs that I am a women expecting; it's just that right now it's not the kind of expecting that ends with a new life wrapped in the bundle of a baby.

Rather, it's the kind that seems to be more of a rebirth of vibrancy, a rebirth of who I was and who I am and who I'm fast becoming both heart and body, mind and spirit.

He says He makes all things new

in His time

and maybe this time

His time

is finally my time

to be the molded shaped clay to which He's been busy giving new shape

in more ways than one.

Linking with Kelli today for the Healthy Mom Series she's hosting.

Bigger Picture Moments: The Question I don't Know How to Answer

Editor's Note November 2012: If you are looking for information on restoring your digestive system, please know that The Body Ecology Diet helped me, but it didn't completely restore my health. My body actually stalled out on the the diet, and I needed to go off it to heal other parts of my body. You can read about my last steps in healing by clicking here. 

It's the question I don't know how to answer.

When we walk into church and we're greeted by faces familiar with the prayer requests.

Or when I workout at my club after a long stretch of vacation.

In responding to emails

texts

phone calls

greetings.

"How are you?"

And the truth is I know.

But I don't know.

I am better, yes.

But I'm not better.

I'm well.

But I'm not totally well -- totally recovered from the monstrosity of a gut flora imbalance that not only wreaked havoc on my digestive tract but also my mind, my emotions, my vitality, my energy and my sense of mental and even physical, yes, physical balance.

I've healed in so many beautiful ways, and I'm better.

But I'm not.

Yet.

And I keep saying yet.

Because, honestly, I'm still waiting for the restoration, for the full healing to sweep over my body.

And that's funny because I haven't exactly known what it is that's still not right other than something is still not right. I've been walking around not completely sure of what's out of balance other than the obvious smattering of seemingly unrelated physical persistence of feeling slightly off kilter in stance coupled with headaches and food sensitivities and other abnormal but mostly boring and mild annoyances.

Until I wasn't.

Monday afternoon, a little call from my primary care physician with the results of an easy saliva hormone test gives name and precise diagnosis to what I've been long been told is a hormone imbalance of some sort.

The call sent me into a tailspin of memories as we talked about this being both the likely cause of the two miscarriages last fall and the likely cause of all my latest ailments, too.

But it's fixable, he said. There are creams, shots.

I don't want that kind of fix.

I'm not a throw-a-patch-over-the-hole-in-the-tire kind of girl; I'm a find-the-stretch-of-road-where-my-car-ran-over-the-nail kind of fixer who wants to clean up the box that spilled so it doesn't keep happening.

And that's a lot harder because it's not just a matter of finding someone who understands my body in that kind of detail; it's money, time, energy and effort {on repeat}, all of which are resources that have dwindled significantly during these past nine months of focused healing.

I tossed myself into bed Monday evening completely overwhelmed at the thought of starting fresh with this new but actually old health issue and resigned to prayer and reading my Bible when Jesus seemed to ask me the question I've kind of come to dread: the old "how are you?" but in Jesus speak.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burnt out on religion?"

Except, in that moment, I didn't hesitate like I normally do when asked, filtering through what I want to say and what I ought to say and what would be short but complete enough to be honest and genuine.

Instead I just breathed out what I really felt, what I've really been feeling.

Yes.

Yes. Yes. And yes.

"Come to me, and I will give you rest." {Matthew 11:28}

Haven't I come so many times already? I asked.

My morning devotion came to my mind immediately, a barely audible whisper reminder.

"You have not because you ask not." {James 4:2} ... which was followed by "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find." {Matthew 7:7}

And in the stillness of confession, of answering the question to which I'm always struggling to find the perfect reply, I realized that maybe it's not so much about finding the right answer but finding the rest that allows me to say no matter the circumstance

that even though I'm well

but not totally well

 it is well

so very well

with my soul.


Each Thursday we come together to share the harvest of intentional living through sharing a piece of life gleaned: a picture, words, creation or list; just come to the table with the beauty in the simple moments of the week. Link up your gleaned moment this week at Jade's!

Link your moment at Jade's this week!

Living Healthfully: Eating a Gluten-and-Dairy-Free Diet

I feel like a new person on the inside.

About a month ago, I severed my love affair with dairy, suspecting that it was adding to some GI issues I first started experiencing this summer after somehow contracting a parasite. (Don't ask; I don't honestly know how I got it, but I've been reassured that most of us live with many little buggers without really knowing it. My little buggers, well, they have been evicted.)

So anyway, out went the dairy and entered in its place almond milk, coconut and olive oils and some crazy, stretchy tapioca cheese-like substance that I'm not crazy about but like well enough when I want to make pizza. {Oh, pizza, why do you have to be so good and so evil?!}

While going dairy-free helped quite a bit, I still was experiencing GI issues, so a few weeks ago, at the suspicion of perhaps having developed a leaky gut during all the GI issues, I went to the next food culprit : gluten.

For my body, it was a pretty quick read: gluten is not my friend. Almost two weeks into my gluten and dairy free diet, I feel normal again. No more bloated, irritated GI tract and away with crabby wife and mommy as well.

Honestly, I feel so much better that I'm inclined to not even want to reintroduce dairy after the allotted time of gut healing has passed. Because who wants to go back to gross after feeling so good?

Been mulling a diet change of going cold turkey {mmm, you can still eat turkey!} with gluten and dairy?

Here are a few things that helped me through the first week:

* Find a friend or two who is willing to walk you through the emotional, chemical and physical changes that occur in your body and in your pantry. The support is key in knowing you can do this!

* Take a trip to Trader Joe's or Whole Foods Market and ask a crew member to brief you on dairy and gluten free options. Most staff members I've come across, especially at Whole Foods Market, have gone above and beyond to help guide me.

* Or browse Amazon for really wonderful gluten-free and dairy free foods like: Bob's Red Mill Almond Meal, apple pie Lara Bars, Bob's Red Mill gluten-free Oats, quinoa and a few other Bob's Red Mill staples that will provide whole grains in your diet without reeking havvoc on the gut.

* Find your happy place with fresh, whole foods like chicken, fish, fruits and veggies. This one is important. Whole, real foods are always better than anything processed, in my opinion!

We often snack on apples and cashews, enjoy slow-cooker chicken with Italian seasoning alongside green beans tossed with almonds and dried berries and sweet potatoes mashed with coconut oil for dinner; we feast on baked apple pie oatmeal for breakfast.

* Take a peak at some of the great foodie blogs for gluten and dairy free eating:

The Gluten-Free GoddessGluten-Free Girl and the Chef {must exchange dairy for almond milk, soy milk or rice milk}

* Find good substitutes for dairy. My favorites so far:

-almond milk in place of dairy milk {goat milk is great for the kids}
-hummus in place of cheese
-coconut oil in place of butter {you will never believe how good it is until you try it. Just do it!}
-olive oil in place of non-stick butters
-Daiya Tapioca is a good cheese-esque replacement for pizza
- coconut or almond milk ice cream in place of regular dairy ice cream

*If it's a packaged food, always double check for gluten by calling and asking if gluten is in the ingredients. Anything with wheat, bran, semolina, bulgar, spelt, tabbouli, orzo, couscous, farina, kamut and barley contains gluten. Defatted wheat germ also contains gluten, for any Standard Process supplement users.

As always, I'm happy to help, too. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

{I was not compensated or asked to talk about any of the products I mentioned. I just like them a lot!}