Everyday Life: Rest

It came in the midst of living. 

In the aftermath of crying out to God and feeling held in His peace. 

In the determination to live life in the now instead of living life in waiting. 

Standing on the deck of a friend who is a soft landing 

in the bright sunshine

of a late Friday afternoon

nearing the after-business hours of the weekend

the phone finally rang. 

Before the doctor's receptionist could share the MRI test results, 

I reminded myself of the song that clicked onto Pandora

as I was begging God for calmness of heart earlier that afternoon.

"Only one thing doesn't change.
Only one thing stays the same.
All I know at the end of the day is
Your love remains." {Paul Coleman Trio}

Because no matter what she said

no matter the results of this particular test

or any tests to come

none of it would change the most important Truth in my life:

He doesn't change. 

That He is always and forever good. 

And, as my mom reminded me while I all but hyperventilated in my living room the day of the MRI, sometimes He calms the raging seas.

And sometimes He calms the passengers in the boat. 

But no matter which He chooses, He is still the Giver of Good Gifts. 

Always.  

As she apologized about the late call and the doctor being away from the office

I knew well that 

everything could change

and still nothing could change

and He would still remain. 

When she calmly and joyfully shared that everything looked perfectly NORMAL (!)

praise spilled from my lips

in a choir of gratitude and awe and reverence.

Not just for the rest, the relief of knowing that everything appeared normal

but also because in that moment and in that day

He calmed the storm

and He calmed the child.

I cannot thank you enough, my friends, for praying for me. For thinking of me. For loving on me during this growing time. Some have inquired about my symptoms -- dizziness, off-balance feeling, head pressure are a few. We're looking into hypoglycemia as a possible cause stemming from my super-low sugar, anti-candida diet and eating practices. 

I'm taking the rest of the weekend to practice Sabbath -- the act remembering His goodness and His faithfulness while resting deeply in both. 

Living Healthfully: A Mirage in the Desert

Editor's Note November 2012: If you are looking for information on restoring your digestive system, please know that The Body Ecology Diet helped me, but it didn't completely restore my health. My body actually stalled out on the the diet, and I needed to go off it to heal other parts of my body. You can read about my last steps in healing by clicking here. 

At first it was so very much about arriving at destination deep dish pizza.

If I could just make it to the point of indulgence without suffering from a debilitating stomach ache and nausea in the aftermath of such a feast, I'd have successfully arrived at the end of my super-restrictive dieting. 

My eyes were set on a finish line of Lou Malnati's and a piece of Baklava by my January 2013 birthday. 

But at the start of 15 weeks{!!}on the Body Ecology Diet*, which has been aimed at restoring my inner body ecology and recovering my health from a candida overgrowth in my gut, it's becoming clearer now that the finish line I'd set eyes on was a mirage. 

Not an insanely delusional mirage like that of shack taking the shape of a well in the middle of the desert; it's been much more like that of an actual well taking the shape of an actual well ... but one that bears only still, stagnant water.

The kind of mirage that looked so good and so refreshing in the distance but dips its bucket into bitter, smelly water ... 

That's where I find myself at the completion of 14 weeks of eating only vegetables, eggs, protein, good fats and no sugar; I am approaching the well that looked so promising -- my GI tract having been healed graciously by God, in part through this way of fresh and whole eating -- and finding I could dip my bucket in ... but why would I want to?

As I'm approaching the well, there's some sort of off-stench wafting through the air, a screaming, halting warning to bypass. 

I don't dare drink it because I'm realizing this isn't the finish line. 

Though I couldn't see it until I got nice and close to the well, there's actually this fresh spring-fed river flowing just a few miles beyond it.

And destination deep dish pizza just doesn't hold a candle to fresh, whole foods anymore, to health. 

Instead of craving cheese and crust, I'm finding myself craving the foods that make me feel how the healthiness I've felt while eating what I've considered to be desert manna:

Energized, healthy, light, satisfied. 

I just don't want to lose that. 

Now that my body seems to have overcome a good portion of the gut flora imbalance and defeated a good deal of the bad candida, I only want to grow stronger and stronger.

I don't want to take steps back toward the heaviness, the bloating, the stomach pain, the brain fog, the irritability, the intense cravings; it just doesn't seem worth it for a slice of deep dish anymore. Or a piece of coffee cake on a special morning. Or even an occasional frozen cup of sweet java and cream. 

And taking that step back ward actually seems like it would be a welcoming invitation to have to walk through that desert of painful detoxing again; I don't want to relive the hives, the night-sweats, the chills, the exhaustion, the stomach pain, the anxiety, the tightness in my chest and the weakness in my bones. 

This way of eating, this desert manna diet, isn't just a diet aimed at merely sustaining energy and fixing an impaired digestive system; this way of eating is more a lifestyle geared at healing the whole body.

I believe this is how we were intended to eat -- food grown from the soil, unaltered and whole -- food harvested from growing healthy animals in the wide-open space of pasture. 

I'm trading in the dirty well water for the fresh-running river and praising God for the revelation of a promised land overflowing with honey. 

Because I'm just not willing to settle any more for a mirage being my destination point. 

{It's such a huge praise to bring news of such healing! Though I'm not at 100 percent, by the grace of God I am worlds away from where I began in the beginning of January. 

Would you offer praise on my behalf for his goodness in healing my body? And would you also pray for wisdom and discernment as I very {epicly} slowly add back in some of the whole, fresh foods that have a bit of sugar content during these coming weeks? I'll be doing quite a bit of listening to my body to make sure the candida that remains isn't being fed by the new additions of things like Granny Smith Apples and plain Greek Yogurt.}

*I have been following the Body Ecology Diet along with some additional protocol {and food restrictions from the experts at The Candida Diet forum.

The Bigger Picture: Where I want to Live

Isn't my friend Katie of Katherine Salvatori Photography mad-talented? 

I find myself sometimes stuck living life in the grayness of shadows.

Of living timidly, fearfully, hopelessly in the Saturday after the cross wondering how everything could possibly come together for the good and work out for His glory.

Of living in the chasm between the cross and the empty tomb, like I don't know the end of the story.

But, as it does when we pull open the curtains, Light streams through the windows with the dawning of the morning Sun, and the Sun shines down grace and mercy in the surprise of Sunday morning.

We don't have to live in the shadow of the Good Friday cross; instead we are welcomed to live in the open-space freedom of the Sunday morning empty tomb. 


There are no legalistic rules to obey, no expectations of perfection, no lists of strikes being tallied because He took them and replaced them with the free-flowing grace-gift He offers freely when we let go of lording over our own lives and let Him claim the rightful spot on the thrones of our hearts.


It's Monday, yes; but today, this day after Easter Sunday, I'm reminded to live like He overcame the world and all its laws with undeserving mercy and love because He has loved and He has risen, indeed. 


And that changes everything. 

'Twas the Write Before Christmas: Day One

Source: imgfave.com via Ally on Pinterest

****
Let it fall,

heavy grace,

like snow coating my branches,

covering the bareness

heavy winds left behind.

Let it stick,

thick mercy,

like ice frozen solid

a layer beneath

to bear the weight.

{The first picture is Day One's prompt for 'Twas the Write Before Christmas at Bigger Picture Blogs.}

Five-Minute Friday: Unexpected

Knee-deep in fear and worry,

I'm trying to count blessings like stars in the sky

or 

more appropriately

flakes of snow falling to the ground

because

you know

we simply cannot be fearful and thankful

simultaneously

she's reminded me time and again. 

The two emotions run the same pathways

in the brain; 

so it simply cannot be done.

I pray:

thank you, thank you, thank you

for 

two bodies merging into one flesh

two small sets of arms that will be slung 'round my neck

beautiful souls with whom to spend a weekend

in an unexpected October snowstorm spreading up the East Coast.

And: make a way for me to return home.

The flakes dissipate by dinner,

and the forecasters promise clear skies in the dawn light,

our departure day,

and as an extra bit of grace, 

an extra gift of mercy

He sends reassurance

in the form of a creative soul

comfortable behind the wheel 

from days spent navigating a semi

to take the helm

And as she drives

we take the conversation to places

of not just when and what and where

but How and Why and Who.

We drive through snow-covered hills,

and Truth, expressed

Along the Pittsburg turnpike

and mercy, experienced

To South Bend, Indiana

and to grace, unexpected