Scenes from a Weekend: Happy sighs

Ahhh, weekends. Filled with these cute little faces



and time and space to read


passionate discussions


toddler photography


a sunglasses fashion show

and sweet little niece snuggles.


Happy, happy sighs.



Join us at Bigger Picture Blogs as we capture Scenes from our Weekend

Scenes from a Weekend: Repair

The thing about life is this -- even in the midst of grieving our baby, the human heart can still swim deep into joy.

This weekend there have been tears. Oh, yes. Enough tears to soak several tissue boxes and make you think that maybe I might have fallen into a rabbit hole of despair.

But instead this weekend, I fell face first into repair, despite, well, myself.



These days have heard lots of laughter, starting first thing in the morning with a 3-year-old boy bounding into my bedroom bellowing "Goo morning, mommy. How you sleep las nigh?" while I was still, um, sleeping.



And ending in fits of giggles after John and the boys were Irish jigging and a certain long-legged husband accidentally kicked a certain oldest son in the head ... knocking him off of his feet and sending him into a hysterical laughter at daddy's attempt at traditional Irish dance.

There's been a slow-coming surrender in remembering to turn my shaking palms back up and open the closed-knuckle grasp with which I keep trying to squeeze everything I've deemed as mine ...

and in mustering the courage and trust to actually begin such a movement to let go. Again.



This weekend afforded John and I three hours alone with each other to talk and process and sort and cry and question ... and then finally acknowledge that our ways are not God's ways and our thoughts are not God's thoughts

while giving Him thanks for that hard bit of dessert manna to swallow.



And this weekend was sprinkled with warm, sweet coffee, sipped slowly and steadily while taking in the moments that unfolded and seemed to promise renewal that, too, would come slowly and steadily.

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Scenes from my Weekend: In Song

I didn't capture scenes from my weekend in picture.

It was just too much as we processed the loss of our sweet baby and intentionally lived in the moment with the two beautiful lives we've been given to hold and raise this side of eternity.

But I realized today that scenes from my weekend were captured.

They are just in lyric and song this week, battle cries if you will.

"And I sing hallelujah, ripped through my veins ... hallelujah came like a train. When all is lost all is left to gain. And I won't back down."

If you'd like to listen, just click here.

Join us at Bigger Picture Blogs as we capture Scenes from our Weekend

Scenes from a Weekend: Bookends

Thank God for the bookends of this weekend.

Because Saturday this was my view pretty much all day long:



That's my pillow and nightstand, in case it's not obvious. I lingered there until about 3 p.m. Saturday before finally venturing downstairs; Saturday morning was when I really got hit with the hardest part of the boys' stomach virus. Friday I thought I escaped it after feeling sort of terrible all day Thursday.

I'm glad for that because it afforded me a rare opportunity of going on a sister date. We left our kiddos with our hubbys, went to fun restaurant in a nearby downtown area and had great conversation. It was just what I needed after being quarantined with two sick little boys for six days.

Sunday I nearly jumped out of bed singing hallelujah at how much better I felt from Saturday, and I determined that it would be a day of renewal.

We went to church, I went to prenatal yoga, I sat in the bright, warm sunlight for 20 minutes, cried a river to John about today's {yet again rescheduled} appointment with our midwife and then ventured out to a little cafe for dinner with the boys in the last of Sunday's lingering sun.



And you know what?

I *do* feel better after all of that. But it was really the culmination of it all this morning that's brought the serenity I feel as I type.

This morning before my midwife called to reschedule my appointment to hear baby's heartbeat {FIFTH reschedule -- not her fault!} because she was racing off to help an expecting mother birth a sweet new baby, a Chris Tomlin song played on repeat in my head. {video below}

That song has been with me for weeks now, and yesterday we sang it in church before our pastor spoke about what it means to find comfort and strength in as we wait on God.

And I knew it was meant for my heart.

So much so that when my midwife called to reschedule this morning, I couldn't help but honestly laugh out loud at the situation, surrender and say to God that I got it: He's in control no matter what, and because of that I can wait calmly and patiently in His strength.

So I wait some more.

But wrapped in increasing peace.




We're sharing Scenes from a Weekend at Bigger Picture Blogs today, focusing on rejuvenation for the month of March! Join us!