Bigger Picture Moments: On Asking God Hard Questions

Three miscarriages in a row.

The last one thisclose to the second trimester.

There's been so much heartache in the losses of these babies,  these dreams and these hopes that it's left me questioning God:

Where are you, God, while I'm grieving our sweet baby?
Where were you when my baby stopped growing inside me at nearly eleven weeks? 
Why didn't you stop the baby from dying?
Or, God, why let me be pregnant for so long with so many good signs of healthy pregnancy only to birth my baby at 12 weeks and some days?
Why even let me get pregnant at all? Why not just keep us from getting pregnant if our baby was going to die?
Why give me a desire for more children if we can't have more children?

I've asked all of these questions, sobbing in the arms of my husband, or while sitting with friends over coffee or scribbling notes into my journal.

Why?

But I was scared to ask them to God. I didn't want to give these questions voice in prayer; I'd chided myself over my lack of faith until a colleague pointed out during a staff meeting right after this last miscarriage that Jesus welcomed questions.

It doesn't scare God or make Him angry when I ask questions, really tough and messy questions that showcase my messy, heavy heart

My colleague even went so far as to say that God cares less about the questions I'm asking and more about the fact that I'm simply coming to Him, seeking Him.

So I began asking. And He began answering, that following Sunday, in fact, during a sermon our pastor was sharing from Isaiah 51: 12-13:

"I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mere mortals, human beings who are but grass, that you forget the Lord your Maker, who stretches out the heavens and who lays the foundations of the earth ..."

But in God saying that, He doesn't point His finger at me, shaming me, saying: "Who are you to question me?!"

Rather, He says to me, Who am I that you can trust me? If I stretched out the heavens and lay the foundation of the Earth, how much more am I able to care for you?

The same God who put those stars in the sky is the same God who knows what never has happened but what could have happened and what won't ever happen as well as what has happened and what is happening now and what will happen -- that God.

I don't know any of that, and I'm not sure I want to know. I don't know God's reasons, and I'm not sure I want to know them.

But I know who God is.

He's the God who loves us so much He sent a piece of Himself wrapped in flesh to an imperfect world.
He's the God who doesn't give his children snakes when they ask for bread.
He's the God who sends His Word to speak into my hurting heart.
He's the God who sends His Church to love and comfort and walk with the hurting.
He's the God who hears even the deepest groans of our hearts and sends us a counsellor who intercedes for us.
He's the God who made a way for selfish me to be with perfect Him forever.

And knowing who He is has answered the questions raging in my mind  -- just not in the ways I expected. 

But in ways that give me rest and peace and hope. 

Share your Bigger Picture Moment HERE!

Scenes from a Weekend: Bookends

Thank God for the bookends of this weekend.

Because Saturday this was my view pretty much all day long:



That's my pillow and nightstand, in case it's not obvious. I lingered there until about 3 p.m. Saturday before finally venturing downstairs; Saturday morning was when I really got hit with the hardest part of the boys' stomach virus. Friday I thought I escaped it after feeling sort of terrible all day Thursday.

I'm glad for that because it afforded me a rare opportunity of going on a sister date. We left our kiddos with our hubbys, went to fun restaurant in a nearby downtown area and had great conversation. It was just what I needed after being quarantined with two sick little boys for six days.

Sunday I nearly jumped out of bed singing hallelujah at how much better I felt from Saturday, and I determined that it would be a day of renewal.

We went to church, I went to prenatal yoga, I sat in the bright, warm sunlight for 20 minutes, cried a river to John about today's {yet again rescheduled} appointment with our midwife and then ventured out to a little cafe for dinner with the boys in the last of Sunday's lingering sun.



And you know what?

I *do* feel better after all of that. But it was really the culmination of it all this morning that's brought the serenity I feel as I type.

This morning before my midwife called to reschedule my appointment to hear baby's heartbeat {FIFTH reschedule -- not her fault!} because she was racing off to help an expecting mother birth a sweet new baby, a Chris Tomlin song played on repeat in my head. {video below}

That song has been with me for weeks now, and yesterday we sang it in church before our pastor spoke about what it means to find comfort and strength in as we wait on God.

And I knew it was meant for my heart.

So much so that when my midwife called to reschedule this morning, I couldn't help but honestly laugh out loud at the situation, surrender and say to God that I got it: He's in control no matter what, and because of that I can wait calmly and patiently in His strength.

So I wait some more.

But wrapped in increasing peace.




We're sharing Scenes from a Weekend at Bigger Picture Blogs today, focusing on rejuvenation for the month of March! Join us!

'Twas the Write Before Christmas: Brimming in Scarlet

I wonder

what she thought

that night

when heaven

and her body burst open

poured out

Love covered in the skin of a tiny baby

tucked gently into her shaky arms.

I wonder

if all the long stares

and whispers spoken

as she walked by clearly round

and newly bound in a marriage vow

all faded into background noise

the moment she kissed his small head.

If while the manger was brimming in scarlet,

her labor cries piercing a dark night sky,

immediately glittered star-silver-beautiful

when she first fell deep into his eyes.

I wonder if she long treasured

more than mighty words to come promising His greatness,

simply sat soaking in the sweet smell of Heaven

freshly dusted on the softest skin

she'd ever felt on her fingers

her lips

her heart.

Bigger Picture Moment: Hers was the First

Hers was the first voice to whisper loud through the darkness that my own voice -- just a mother of a toddler, 25 and lonely-hard reaching -- wasn't lost amid the autumnal heaping piles of seasoned falling leaves on the internet.

That I wasn't just the mother of a toddler with a same--sung-song as all the rest, but that I was the mother of a toddler with a voice of my own and heart that stretched far and wide into motherhood, yes, but that also was rooted deep in the other soils of life that grow the heart of a woman.

Hers were the first words that were bright beacons of promise guiding me through the last weeks of being heavy with another child, calming, reassuring that my heart wouldn't betray me when our family grew by one more and that love would rush forth like a spring newly sprung.

Hers were among the first hands to commit to building a haven for connection and creativity, designing a foundation we all build upon each week, word by word, story by story, bigger picture by bigger picture.

And hers was the first heart here in the vast open online prairie with which I felt my own trade strings, back and forth, back and forth, building thread by thread a hand-knit friendship that spans hundreds and hundreds of land-lay miles.

I have been beyond blessed; there have been many voices, many words, many hands, many hearts since hers with which I've connected because of this small space I bravely and humbly, fiercely and timidly claimed as my own almost five years ago this December -- some of whom I call my best friends.

But hers were the first, and without her first voice, her words, her hands, her heart, my own voice, my own words, my own hands and my own heart wouldn't be what they've become.

I owe her much, and yet, I know because of who she is, I owe her nothing at all.

This afternoon, in the early October sunlight her plane will land here in Chicago

And  for the first time in person, amid the tree branches dancing with vibrant golds and deep, dark reds, I will hear in person the first voice in the blogosphere that so encouraged, the first words that so healed after I cried out for comfort.

For the first time, I'll embrace the hands that have built with me

and I'll weave another few threads with the heart of a most beautiful soul.

One that I knew long before we ever met.

Share a picture, words, creation or list; just come to the table with the beauty in the simple moments of the week.. 

Live.
Reflect on the blessings that were apparent to you this week.

Capture.
Harvest them!

Share.
Link up your gleaned moment this week HERE! Please be sure to link to your post, not your blog. Your post must link back here or have our button in your post or the link will be deleted.

Encourage.
Visit at least the person linked before you and encourage her in this journey we call life.

Living Healthfully: Undercover Cookies

Tomorrow we're celebrating Bigger Picture Blogs SECOND birthday by engaging in two things we do best -- creativity and community.

But what's a party without goodies?

In celebration of our big day tomorrow, we thought it necessary to share our favorite uniquely flavored birthday treats as well as a little peak at the Creative Inspiration packages graciously given by Compendium Inc. Live Inspired for two members of our community who link up a special Bigger Picture Moment* here at the party tomorrow.

A delicious gift for a writer, isn't it?

Speaking of delicious, I'm sharing the recipe for my healthy Undercover {Breakfast} Cookies. We call them cookies, but, says hubby, they don't live up to their name if you're expecting crunch. This cookie is softer, like oatmeal, but holds up well after setting in the fridge.

And, of course, it's sweetened with Stevia, so those of us with inner body ecologies who need to steer clear of sugar can still enjoy a treat. Though my youngest picky eater, who indulges in fruit-sugar all the live-long day, loves these cookies and prefers them to even brownies.

Undercover {Breakfast} Cookies

Ingredients:
1 3/4 cups of water
1 cup of quinoa flakes
1 tablespoon of cinnamon
1 teaspoon of pumpkin pie spice
1 teaspoon of maca root powder {optional}
1 tablespoon of ground flax seed
1/4 cup of dried unsweetened coconut flakes
2 tablespoons of coconut oil
15 drops of liquid stevia
1/2 cup of dried unsweetened cranberries {optional because of the sugar content}


Directions:
Combine quinoa flakes, cinnamon, spice, maca root and ground flax in a bowl and mix together. 


In a pan atop of medium flames, boil water; add the dry mix, stirring continually until the mixture thickens (about 90 seconds). 


Add coconut oil, Stevia and coconut flakes. Stir well. Add cranberries. Mix well. 
Scoop large balls into a glass container, dividing the thick mixture evenly. Refrigerate until thoroughly cooled and well-formed. 


Link up YOUR favorite treat recipe -- old or new -- with This Heavenly Life today to help us celebrate!

*If you didn't sign up to be part of a Creative Duo and receive a prompt, no worries. You can still participate! We're creating to our second birthday musical mix, and the random card prompt is "For Me This is Heaven" by Jimmy Eat World. 

Bigger Picture Blogs: Let's Party like We're Turning TWO!

I can't help but to wonder where our baby's gone.

And how so much time has passed that our baby isn't actually a baby anymore.

Though I can hardly believe it, it's been two years since we birthed the Bigger Picture Blogs community.

Two years.

I kind of stare incredulously and wonder not only at how that little seed of an idea was sown and grown and birthed

but also at how its matured, developed its own personality and beauty beyond what I ever expected.

Where there was newness, softness around the edges, there are more defined features, stretched limbs and new thoughts and focus. 

We've grown so much this year. And growth requires a laying down of rocks, a celebration of sorts marking our time in becoming, in growing and living well spent.

Birthday celebrations are essential because they not only give us the chance to reflect on where we've been but also on who we've become. 


And, well, we've become something pretty spectacular; we are a commited community of writers who strengthen each other, polish each other and encourage each other to live intentionally by recognizing the bigger picture through the simple everyday moments. 


So will you celebrate who we've become as a community as we turn TWO?!


Consider this your official invitation: 

In celebration of our SECOND birthday we are hosting a very special Bigger Picture Moments that will stretch our creativity and connect our community!

We will be randomly pairing two community members to create a post for our special birthday celebration link up on Thursday, June 28 here at Undercover Mother; our creative collaborations will meet here to share their work by linking with the birthday linky and then mingle around and see other's collaborations. SIGN UP HERE TO PARTICIPATE IN A COLLABORATION!

Each creative collaboration duo will be given a prompt and work together to create a piece with one visual. 

Like any good party, there will certainly be gifts, too. We have a few lovely, creativity inspiring giveaways in store for a few of the party attendees who link up their collaborations!

And what would a party be with out some treats? Join us Wednesday, June 27 at Sarah's -- the day before our big birthday bash -- to feast on ideas for some delicious treats to bring to the celebration.

We'll each post our favorite cake/dessert recipes, baked with our own unique flavor, and link up our treats so we can share some sweetness with each other. 

Those who link up a sweet treat recipe will also be entered into our birthday gift giveaway. And feel free to be as creative as you so desire with your recipe, heavily flavoring it with sprinkles of your life or who you are or what you love. 

We are so looking forward to celebrating Bigger Picture Blogs SECOND birthday by pairing up TWO things that are at the heart of BPB: creativity and community. 

Let's party, friends!

Thinking, That's All: Awakening

There is light at the end, but today I pray for wide-angle vision.

I don't want to waste it away -- the time -- on waiting to live fully only in the fullness of light.

I want to see, live nestled inside these moments with little boys who only want to snuggle their mommy and serve her pretend sparkling wine from the restaurant of imagination.

I don't want to lose it to the darkness of anxiety-laced thoughts about MRIs and ENTs and MDs and whatever follows those letters and their diagnosis.

I cry-pray rest enough to unclench white knuckles from clinging to my life.

I cry-pray hot tears, sink my hands into the low back of a black kitchen chair and feel two small arms wrap around my thigh, a head press against the side of my hip.

I weep quietly for a few moments and usher out breath from my shaking lungs, squeezing tightly the shoulders of my oldest son.


I won't go there.

I won't go to the places where I'm drowning deep in the waters of picturing his life, his brother's life, his father's life if the what-ifs were to unfold.

I stand my ground against diving into the waters and then force jelly-like legs to move into the wide-angle frame of life outside the tunnel in which I'm standing.

He follows me around the house, stays close enough in his play that he could dive in after me if I jump.

At not even five, he thinks he's lifeguard to my wild-toddler-at-the-shore moments.

And I know I have to move away from the sand, the beach, the lure of drowning myself in what-if waves and stand firmly on the Rocks

my back to the ocean face toward the Sun glowing in the horizon of tall grasses and little boys and a strong-heart husband and this life-gift spread out before my eyes.

This piece was inspired by the Bigger Picture Blogs Writing Circles prompt "awakening" in the Life-Out Loud genre. It was edited after critique from fellow writers. Join a Writing Circle and take part in the writing process at a whole new level!


A few friends have said I was too vague in this post and asked for explanation to the MRI references. I've had some lingering head pressure issues we thought were stemming from sinuses ... but my sinuses are clear. A specialist suggested doing an MRI to see if we can find what's causing the pressure. It's probably bothing but as someone who battles anxiety, the unknown can grow if I let it. 

Thinking, That's All: The Space of Rest

We all quickly pour ourselves in through the door, breathing out the chaos of the day and inhaling the quiet of the space stretched out before us

Weekly we come together to slow down, to discuss life in this foreign land of busy, seven polar explorers* trying together to navigate the harsh terrain of our over-busy, over-scheduled lives in bodies that weren't meant to pushgopushpushgo.

You know that jar analogy? one of the seven asks, a half smile spread across his face. The one with the rocks and the sand and how if you put the rocks -- the big pieces of life -- into the jar first and then put the sand -- all the small, less important stuff -- in, everything fits?

The rest of us nod, all too familiar with the jar and the overflow of the sand spilling out everywhere and the rocks never all fitting.

It's a lie, he says, spitting out the words like bitter fruit.

I lean my head in to really hear what he's saying, and he continues.

All of that sand, all of those rocks -- you just can't fit it all. Some of that sand, some those rocks just have to go, he finishes, relieved to have spoken up against the prevalent thought that if we just ordered it all right it would fit.

The jar is only so big, someone else pipes in. 

It's true, I say. There's only so much space. 

We sit around this truth like its a fire radiating warmth into cool arctic air, explorers intent on thawing cold noses, hands, hearts that have been captured by numbness.

I know this all too well; time and space have long been rigid squares on the flipped open calendar I'm forever trying to pen my life into.

Thing is, though, just like the jar, all of the life I'm trying to cram in doesn't fit in two by two inch squares.

Just like we can't make the jar bigger, there's no way to add inches to the calendar boxes.

And, the truth be admitted, we weren't made to fill every crevice of time, every inch of the jar until both are overflowing out of control.

Truth be admitted, we were meant to rest, remember every one day out of seven.

Sabbath.

It's a  foreign sounding word here in the arctic -- archaic and bound up in thoughts of rules and judgement and nos.

But at its roots in means rest and remember.

After we unlearn all of what it isn't, breathe in a bit of understanding that was lost in translation of restirction and culture and supposed righteousness, what remains seems to be this enormous box with a ribbon.

And all I can ponder is if I'm really going to unwrap it instead of just picking at the paper.

*Annie Dilliard first related our journey here in this time and space to that of a journey of polar explorers who find that they cannot do life alone in such harsh elements. Her short essay appeared in our VantagePoint3 material that detailed what it looks like to live in community. Our group of seven is journeying together through year one of VP3. What we discuss in our groups is sacred, and I sought out permission before publishing from the group member who shared about the jar before sharing here his revelations that have lead to truth in my mind, just to be clear. :)

This piece is a product of our Bigger Picture Blogs Writing Circles, where writers come together virtually to share a work and then offer encouragement while giving constructive criticism while applying benevolent pressure to others in the circle.

Bigger Picture Moment: Benevolent Pressure

"I believe in very small group of people who want what you what and are willing to commit," Anne Lamott on writing amid the benevolent pressure of other creative souls

We've come, I think, to a crowded, darkened middle school gym, sneaked in through the back door a few minutes late to hear words from a great wordsmith because we writers feast on words like a kid devours a cupcake for breakfast. 


But I don't know really what to expect from this small blonde dread-locked life-poet once I see her standing in the spotlight, rocking her weight back and forth between both legs and waxing reality about the Holy Spirit and tattoos and how everything she eventually lets go bears claw marks from her fingers clenching tight. 


Oh, me, too. 


Everything I let go of, too, boasts my imprinted fingers and hands. 


And, then, she moves thoughts toward writing because that's what writers do; she muses on about life for awhile and then it all circles back to words, words powerful words. 


Words alone. 


And words together. 

Me, Anne Lamott and Melissa, two irons in my journey 

But there's a difference, you know. 


She speaks to my heart when she talks about how writers need to give themselves permission to write ... about how writers flourish amid the "benevolent pressure" from other writers. 


"I believe in very small groups of people who want what you what and are willing to commit," Anne Lamott says. 


Oh, me too. 


I never gave words before to that belief; however, I realize I've been living it in life with my friendships and in my marriage and in my relationships. 


But have I believed this even for my creative endeavors, my passions? I feel like I've been seeking it for almost two years now as one of the co-founders of Bigger Picture Blogs. 


Only now, though, am I putting it into practice with my heart completely wrap-wound-up-around the debut of our Writing Circles forum. Finally, we've combine two things I love, two things in which I believe deeply: sharing life through painting pictures with words amid other kindreds who write life out loud. 


The Proverbs say that as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another; we need community to permeate through all aspects of our lives if we are to be stronger, sharper.


And so as it is in life, it is true also in strengthening the skill of creating and bringing to life words and stories, of writing; there is "benevolent pressure" applied in the sharpening. 

Share a picture, words, creation or list; just come to the table with the beauty in the simple moments of the week.. 

Live.
Reflect on the blessings that were apparent to you this week.

Capture.
Harvest them!

Share.
Link up your gleaned moment this week at Melissa's! Please be sure to link to your post, not your blog. Your post must link back here or have our button in your post or the link will be deleted.

Encourage.
Visit at least the person linked before you and encourage her in this journey we call life.

Bigger Picture Moments: Playing Favorites

 

Each Thursday, we come together to share the harvest of intentional living by capturing a glimmer of the bigger picture through a simple moment.  As a farewell to 2011, we're playing favorites and picking one Bigger Picture Moment from 2011 to share. Head over to BPB to share yours!


Share a picture, words, creation or list; just come to the table with thanksgiving in your heart. 

Live.
Reflect on the blessings that were apparent to you this week.

Capture.
Harvest them!

Share.
Link up your favorite moment of 2011 at BPB this week. Please be sure to link to your post, not your blog. Your post must link back here or have our button in your post or the link will be deleted.

Encourage.
Visit at least the person linked before you and encourage her in this journey we call life.

Here are a few of my favorites from 2011:
Broken from Diet Coke on the Rocks
God Gave Me You from Girl of Grace
On Not Living Numb from Tasting Grace
Faded Colors by Achieving Clarity
Inside Out by Michelle Pendergrass

There are a dozen others that I absolutely loved reading, too, but the boys are not readily cooperating with giving me a few minutes to compile any more, so I'm off to snuggle and build log cabins.

Head over to BPB, share yours, encourage others and enjoy! Happy New Year!

Bigger Picture Blogs: In This Family

I'm over at Bigger Picture Blogs today sharing how we roll in this family of mine. 

Join me and maybe write your own?

In this house
we share germs 
but also love. 
We wrap arms tight around necks 
and  ...

click over to read the rest.

Bigger Picture Moments: Thanksgiving in Weakness

I have danced in the darkness of my heart with worry and fear and selfishness.

And in the shadowy recesses of my heart those weaknesses have grown.

While thankfulness has doused the flames of fear and love has weakened my selfishness and joy has robbed worry of its power, there still comes a time, when in the solitude and silence of life, that we must look our weaknesses in the eye, call them by name ...

and hand them over to the perfecter

not simply to be perfected

but more, so that, through our weaknesses, we can see His perfection, know His strength.

And be glad in it.

In my fear of not being in control {and I never really am}

I find rest in Him piloting the course of my feet

and the course of the world

like He's always done and always will.

In my worry about the ifs and the possibility of pain

I see His providence He seeks to care for me

and show His glory.

In my selfishness,

I recognize His abundant love and sacrifice.

My weakness realized is abundant Strength revealed.

And I am so thankful to have even just a glimpse of it.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends. May we count all our blessings, large and small, today and all year long.

During the month of November, we are gathering our harvest of blessings and naming them one by one, sharing the gratitude in our hearts. Won't you join us? Share a picture, words, creation or list; just come to the table with thanksgiving in your heart. 

Live.
Reflect on the blessings that were apparent to you this week.

Capture.
Harvest them!

Share.
Link up your moment here this week. Please be sure to link to your post, not your blog. Your post must link back here or have our button in your post or the link will be deleted.

Encourage.
Visit at least the person linked before you and encourage her in this journey we call life.

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Road Trip: It's a party up in here!

Bigger Picture Blogs is going to The Relevant Conference and we want to take you with us!

We mentioned that Melissa and I are kicking things off with a live tweet-up for those of you in the Chicagoland area so as to rally votes for Marissa of The Mothers Milk Bank of the Western Great Lakes and, you know, relax with free mini massages, a complimentary cocktail and good conversation before a 12 hour car ride across the country with a {very cute} baby: (You can get more details and RSVP here.)

We didn’t want to leave anyone out, though.  If we could fit you in our suitcases you would all be coming with us! So we are hosting a Twitter party  Tuesday the 25th of October while we’re at our event!

B sure you are following us:
@HyacynthW
@PBinmyHair
@JustLenae

We'll start the party at 8:30 CST Tuesday, Oct. 25 using the hashtag #ChevydrivesBPB.

Our theme is "Roadtrip Survival."
{Because don't you think we might need some of your tips?!}

We will be giving away a $25 gas card, a $50 gas card and a week in a Chevy Traverse!*

{You can read more about the Traverse here: http://www.chevrolet.com/traverse-crossover-suv/}

If you plan on popping into the party and want a chance to win, please link your Twitter handle in the linky below.

See you tomorrow!

Disclosure: Our trip to Relevant is being generously sponsored by Chevy’s Driving the Midwest who has given us a tank of gas and a Traverse to get there. Our ride is also being fueled by Kawa Japanese and Asian Cuisine, Dr. Reena Jacobs of The Healing Groves, Curves of Lake County, Bigger Picture Blogs and Little Lake County, each of whome have provided one tank of gas for the trip. All opinions expressed are our own.

* Open to US residents, no purchase necessary. Winner must be 21 years or older, and for the Traverse must live in the state of IL and be a licensed driver.


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Bigger Picture Moment: Lingering

Every Thursday we come together to share the harvest of intentional living by capturing a glimpse of the bigger picture through a simple moment. Won't you join us?

Sometimes I wonder if God lets seasons linger just a bit longer than we expected not just so we can soak these fleeting moments of Indian Summer into our skins, tattoo them onto our hearts and burn them into our memories but, more, so that we really revel in, give thanks for the days we're given just before the leaves begin falling from the trees in masses, just before the summer sun sets and gives way to autumn light.



I wonder, sometimes,

if He gives us these unexpectedly warm and brilliantly sunny days in the midst of fall so we pause --

if He writes the warning across burning red leaves on fire from faded summer green, in the warm sunlight that yet stretches across blue October skies so we can really enter into them, like we're living fully, as if to say, come on -- you don't want to miss this.



I wonder if He wishes us to wrap fingers around the moments that were so generously gifted into open palms so that we could say, I don't just remember it well; I lived it.




And I lived it well.

{Today, we're living it well. Enjoy your Indian Summer.}

Bigger Picture Blogs. 

****

Live. Capture. Share. Encourage.

Bigger Picture Moment: Wholeness of Truth

I wonder how many of us grieve our losses -- however varied and different-- in silence.

How many of us smile, respond with OK when asked how we are doing while we feel anything and everything but fine. 

I wonder how many, and I wonder why. 

I wonder why my first thought was to tuck away my sadness, the loss, bury it deep down inside the deepest wells of my heart ... why I thought I could, well, rather, should walk this journey alone. And the more I thought, the more I questioned. 

Don't I know yet that there is comfort in arms wrapped around my shoulder, in words spoken, in stories shared, in love given freely?

That there is nothing more scarring than letting the battles wounds of life sit in the darkness of heart wells?

That there is healing in the Light?

I wrote my hurt into the pages here, etched the words of this piece of our story into the white and shared because I thought it would somehow maybe help someone else who felt like hiding her hurts way down deep. 

I thought maybe I would be a hand in the darkness of those wells in the heart stretched out offering to pull someone else out of those depths. 

But the wholeness of truth is, and I didn't quite know it until so many friends began showing up in so many ways, that sharing would continue the work He's already started in layering salves on a healing heart. I didn't know it, but I needed some other hands to reach out, clasp mine after I emerged from that darkness, sun blinded, a little shaky and raw. 

Thanks for being His hands and feet and His arms and mouth --pulling me up and embracing me in the steadying of my own two feet and walking beside me as I take baby steps forward into the light of a new day. 

I likely won't ever forget it. 

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:20

Have you seen a glimpse of the bigger picture through a simple moment? Share at Melissa's this week.

Bigger Picture Moment: Everything Under the Sun

A few nights ago, as I was trying to come up with a bigger picture moment from an exhaustingly packed week, I found myself walking next to blooming purple wildflowers and towering auburn prairie grasses.

The beauty caught me off guard during my walk, a time when I was admittedly trying to pound all the gunkiness of tough day into the pavement while grasping at any moment from the week I could recall seeing a glimpse of the bigger picture through a simple moment, which isn't actually easy when you're moving at 154 thousand miles per hour.

Nonetheless, I'd wondered why I'd never before seen these brilliant swatches of color set against the Midwestern landscape; I mean, I have tread this ground at least a thousand times before.

So I got to thinking -- I wonder what else I've breezed by a thousand times lately but haven't really seen, really experienced.

the intense blues of late August skies

the way 75 degrees perfectly enwraps my sun-drenched skin

the deep belly giggles of two little boys laughing in rounds

the quiet hand tucked into mine before we hurry into the store

And, quickly, I admitted to myself that all of these things I've been missing as I fly right by them have only been missed because I wasn't looking.

But that? It wasn't actually my Bigger Picture Moment. I know I have a tendancy to pass by the extraordinary ordinaryness of everyday beauty as I rush from place to place, project to project.

My Bigger Picture Moment actually came on the heels of this reoccurring thought of slowing down to enjoy the beauty.

My Bigger Picture Moment was in the realization that I have captured more than 52 weeks of extraordinary ordinary moments I likely would have passed by had I not been intentionally seeking to find the bigger picture in the midst of sometimes chaos.

I finally saw those beautiful purple flowers and the surreal blue of the sky and felt the perfection of 75 degrees and a small hand slipped into my own because I've been training myself to see these moments, to live intentionally, to practice enjoying what's been placed before me.

The real gift probably isn't only the actual bigger picture moment, but, also, it's the act of having identified its loveliness.

Are you ready to begin seeing a glimpse of the bigger picture through simple moments? Walk this road of intentional living with friends! This week's linky is at Sarah's.

Live. Capture. Share. Encourage. {Bigger Picture Blogs}

Writing Me: Where I'm From

Over at Bigger Picture Blogs, we are sponsoring Writing Me, a community writing project. Based off of the Where I'm From prompt, we're tapping into our creativity and memories to poignantly craft snapshots of the places from which we each hale. We'll be posting a long-standing link up soon so that we can each link our posts and read about where we each have journeyed in our lives. Join us!

I am from amber waves of grain as far as the horizon stretches, from John Deer tractors and garden-fresh, vine-ripened tomatoes shooting out of the fertile black farm soil in my grandparents' backyards.

I am from more houses than can be counted on two hands but most memorably and most longstanding, I’m from the creaky stairs descending to a basement bedroom of a quaint white house flooded by both morning and afternoon sunlight, always drenched in song lyrics and laced with harmony and melody ...

{To read more about where I'm from, click on over ... and then pretty please consider sharing where you are from!}

A Call: Being the Mouth that Helps Mobilize the Hands and Feet

This spring has been one of devastating storms and destruction.

The most recent tornado stuck very close to our Bigger Picture Blogs Family.

Last night, Joplin, MO was hit with a massive tornado that has destroyed more than a quarter of the city and left many families without homes.

One of our writers, Sarah, lives in the town of Joplin.

While her family didn't not lose their home, close family members, friends and others have.

The town has been completely split into two by the vast path of the tornado.

Yesterday, after our family, both mine and the Bigger Picture Blogs family, heard the news, we prayed.

We prayed for help for the people of Joplin, MO.

For our friends Sarah and Justin and their family members -- prayers of thanksgiving for their safety, and also prayers of peace and provision in the aftermath of a deadly, destructive tornado that ripped a path through the middle of their city.

Today, as the images flash across screens, showcasing the devastation, giving faces to the hurting, the need for relief and rescue has become clearer.

So we continue to pray.

But, today?

Today we also respond.

As rescuers and organizations rush to the aid of families in Joplin, we have the opportunity to make a difference.

Some of the original founders and writers of Bigger Picture Blogs and our awesome community members came together this morning through myriad e-mails to help organize a large-scale relief effort in order to best help mobilize these hands and these feet by providing funds.

Thus, Help 4 Joplin was born.

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<a href ="http://www.peanutbutterinmyhair.com/2011/05/standing-together-help4joplin.html" target="Help4Joplin"><img src="http://i1003.photobucket.com/albums/af151/PBinmyHair/helpforjoplin.jpg" alt ="Help4Joplin"/></a>

This Wednesday through Friday, we'll be hosting an online auction to raise money for The Salvation Army in Joplin.

Items for the auction have been lovingly and generously donated from many, many businesses {like A Soft Landing, Hotter Comfort Concept Shoes, Shining Stones and Stoneyfield Farms, just to name a few}.

All proceeds from the auction will directly benefit relief efforts in Joplin.

So do you want a tangible way you can help families who've lost everything, families who have suffered huge devastation and families who have lost more than a quarter of their city?

Be the mouth.

Use your blog or your Facebook page to post about the Help 4 Joplin auction.
In your post, be sure to state:
1. The site and dates of the auction -- Wed., May 25 through Fri., May 27.
2. A few of the businesses who have donated auction items with links {list posted here}
3. The Help 4 Joplin button

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<a href ="http://www.peanutbutterinmyhair.com/2011/05/standing-together-help4joplin.html" target="Help4Joplin"><img src="http://i1003.photobucket.com/albums/af151/PBinmyHair/helpforjoplin.jpg" alt ="Help4Joplin"/></a>

Let's spread the word about the auction so together we can raise substantial funds to help moblize responders and quickly deliver relief efforts.

Afterall, when tragedy strikes, this is what community does -- we come together.

Please, since we can't all be hands and feet in this response, let's be a different yet equally important part of the body.

Be the lips, friends -- be the voice.

IMPORTANT: Once you write your post, please come back and link your post through Friday. {And please note -- part of the point of this link is to show a VISIBLE united support front from our community for Sarah and the Joplin community.}

Each link gets an entry for a chance to win a $25 Starbucks gift card and a beautiful hand-knit coffee cozy from A Soft Landing.

Everyday Life: Eyes Wide Shut

Welcome to Bigger Picture Moments, a weekly writing meme intended to foster creativity and help busy moms actively seek every-day moments that show us a glimpse of the bigger picture.

Amid fast-paced lives, sometimes we lose sight of the grander scheme; won't you join us in consciously trying to embrace and remember these moments - however small or large?

The thermometer spiked today* at a whopping 16 degrees.

We layered shirts with heavy pants and wool socks.

We bundled under the cover of gloves, scarves, hats and heavy coats.

We hurried into the car from the house and out of the car to the preschool.

And then a few hours later we did that in reverse.

Instead of taking all of the layers off, we kept some on our bodies.

Though there were places I needed to go before Christmas, I just couldn't muster the will to rebundle, recoat, reglove and reboot each time I peaked at the thermometer and pondered leaving the house again.

So we busied ourselves with playing and cooking and reading and cleaning, and I tried really hard not to completely sulk about feeling like a self-imposed prisoner within our four walls.

I gave myself pep talks, prayed, laughed with the kids and tried to ignore my freezing toes encased in woolen socks.

The day wore on, and I sunk into the recliner, exhausted both mentally and physically, around 3 p.m.

As I sat down, it was like opening my eyes for the very first time that day.

Bright and brilliant. Warm and inviting.

I'd almost totally missed winter's most elusive and welcomed special guest because I'd been so busy layering and bundling, so tunnel-visioned about the cold.

And I could not help but wonder what else I'm so stuck on -- the unflushed toilets, the toys splayed across the floor, the dirty clothes piled just inches away from the hamper.

What here in the everyday doldrums has kept me from really basking in the awesome gift right before my face during this season of life where my boys are small and innocent, tickleable and excitable, spirited and openly loving?

The laundry? The messes? The dishes?

None are worthy.

I know this time is fast. I know it's fleeting. I know it could be so fruitful.

And I know I don't want to miss the sunshine there, in parenting my boys, especially.

*Written Tuesday in anticipation of Bigger Picture Moments.

To read other Bigger Picture Moments or link your own, visit Melissa.

Bigger Picture Moment: Inside out heart

Welcome to Bigger Picture Moments, a place where we step back and take in life. There are moments where we’re so caught up in it all, the hectic, mind-boggling pace of the day. but here we encourage you to take a moment and view the Bigger Picture. Whatever that means to you. A moment where you recognized the role your faith plays in your every day life. A moment where you take note of motherhood and the importance of what you are doing. A moment that made you stop and breathe in the bigness of it all -- the hugeness that is life and all the small moments adding up to one Bigger Picture.

We hope you’ll join us! Take a few moments, think about your week, and pour however little or much onto a page. Then share. Melissa is hosting this week, so head over to her place to tell us about your moment. Link up, grab our button, and share your Bigger Picture Moment. And while you’re at it, share the love and check out at least one other participant’s moment, too! Maegan will be hosting next week, so keep an open mind and heart throughout the week and come back to participate again or for the first time! All are welcome!


Just tell your story.

She said it so honestly, so matter of factly. How could I not have realized that.

I'm not arguing. I'm not trying to sway anyone to believe or embrace. I'm not preaching.

I'm just sharing my story.

These words from my very wise mentor have been wandering around in my brain since she said them.

You see, sometimes I feel if I say anything about my relationship with God in places that aren't "mine" {my blog, my home, my church} that I come across as preachy.

And oh, my. That's really the last thing I want.

Because, really, I haven't it got it so together that I can go around preaching to others about how to live or what to do or what to think. Because I'm not perfect. I've got my own baggage, my own heart issues, my own plank in my own eye.

So I'm not qualified to preach religion and shoulds and shouldn'ts to anyone; and that's really kept me quiet in spaces that are not my own or in spaces where people may not share the same beliefs. My fear of sounding preachy and religious has silenced my voice in many places here in blog land and here in general every-day life situations*.

And it's left me as simply an observer in the conversation rather than a participant.

And that's silly.

It's silly because we don't come together as friends face to face or here in the blogosphere to just talk to ourselves. We come together for companionship. We come together to learn from one another. We come together to connect and share and encourage and support.

So when I take the backseat and remain silent in conversations to avoid sounding preachy, I'm really just hiding. I'm hiding because I'm too concerned with coming off as judgemental or authoritative. I'm hiding because I've seen others label Christians with a whole slew of nouns and adverbs that aren't very appealing. And I don't want anyone lumping me together with Christians who have treated others in ways I'm positive Christ would not have treated them {Though, I'm sure there have been points where I've acted less than stellar; see, again, not perfect. Don't have all the answers.}

But I think I've confused preaching with simply just sharing my story in most of these self-censored instances.

Because when I'm sharing why I think the way I do and how I've handled situations and what's given me the vision to walk through really dense patches life fog, I'm simply relaying my life story. And my life story just happens to be centered around a Saving Grace. A Saving Grace named Jesus. And unfortunately Jesus has been given a bad name through some Christians who have really let themselves get bogged down in legalism and religion rather than focusing on the beautiful relationship with Jesus.

And that's the thing about my story -- I'm not a religious person. I'm not bound to man-made laws in the name of religion. I'm more focused on being in communion with a God who created me and who saved me.

Ugh. That's where it sometimes gets sticky. Saved. Saved me from what?

Because I'm not one of those people who hit rock bottom and sunk lowly into the deepest pit before she realized that she needed something else, realized that Jesus was what she was missing. I was actually happy before I decided to have a real, lasting relationship with Jesus. I had good friends, a satisfying college life, a good boyfriend, an awesome job and a loving family. I had everything, really, most people ever strive for in life.

Well, I had everything but a real deep-seeded purpose. I had been trying to live my life finding purpose in serving others. I'd been trying to find meaning in bettering the world. But I had these deep-rooted foundational problems with even the very definition of evil and good. And I realized before I could strive for goodness that I needed to figure out why we all have these very basic opinions of good and evil, which is a whole different post. At any rate, all of this questioning really led me to seeking out who Jesus was and why I'd want to love and know Him beyond just believing in Him.

So in essence He saved me from the exhausting and confusing and irritating quest for meaning and understanding. My entire good life morphed when I began a real relationship with Christ. And it really changed my whole life from good to amazing. From confusion to an understanding. From uncertainty to peace. From happy to joyful. From the chains of adhering to man-made laws to the freedom given to us so wonderfully through grace.

And like with any meaningful relationship, it invaded all parts of my life. So I cannot help but often find myself wanting to contribute my experiences regarding my relationship with Him while reading or conversing about subjects or events or relationship.

And the more I think about my mentor's awesome words of wisdom, the more I realize that preaching doesn't play into what I'm doing here or in person when I'm engaging in community and conversation.

I'm simply sharing my story. And my story just happens to revolve around the Author of my life.

{*I should also note that in these thoughts I was really striving to do what Christ would have me do -- and that's speak freely about the freedom and peace I've found in a relationship with Him.}

And I hope, even if we don't have the same story, we can all share here without worrying about being mistreated or labeled or judged.